Thursday, October 16, 2008

I really don't wanna....but I might hafta

So there I was, sitting at my kitchen table taking a break from dishes and laundry to catch a few scenes of a movie I had going on my laptop when --BAM! The thing that I've been avoiding thinking about slaps me silly across the face. That thing is The Move.

Yep, for those of you who are just stoppin' by and the ones that have, understandably forgotten, there's a very real possibility that we may be getting orders to move across the country. The Hubs is excited about the job change and the chance he'll be getting to learn new skills and I can't blame him. He gives up so much to support our family that I can't begrudge him the joy of doing something different and, possibly, fun.

I seem to have hit a bit of a wall about the whole thing, though. When Hubs brings the subject up, I freeze and go straight into anxiety mode. When he brings home distressing news, I'm usually able to put on a brave front, act like it's all okay and get on with things. But this is almost too much for me to handle these days. Then the guilt comes crashing in 'cause Hubs feels like the move is his fault, personally and I'm making him feel that way with all my grief. Oy. I feel slightly like a whiney child that hasn't gotten it's way...."I don't wanna move! No, no, no! It's too far!"

Hubby did tell me at one point that we may be able to stay in this area for a while longer, but he'd have to deploy in the spring (completely missing the birth of our second child) which means he'd, once again, be in harm's way. It's a no win situation that we're both feeling the pressure to somehow make work. I've learned after almost ten years of being married to a marine that getting one's hopes up about anything that might be good news from the Corps is a waste of time and energy. I'll just keep trying to pray....and not just cry my way through. God is able to keep us in this area, but the hard thing to comprehend is that, just maybe, this is what we're supposed to do. A quandery, ain't it?

6 comments:

Joanna said...

Well Sweet thang, that is a pickle! Would it make you feel better that my Hubby feels bad for you and the situation? And that is saying something cuz that man don't feel anything.

{{hugs}}

Jonny's Mommy said...
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Jonny's Mommy said...

Had to delete my comment. Mentioned the Huz's real name. Anyhooooo....we are all worried for you too and stressin' out over it, but we know God is in control and he has His hand on all of you.

I don't want to see you move, but I don't want to see the Huz in harm's way again either.

Anna K. said...

jo~ Ain't it, though! Thanks to your Hubby for the empathy and thanks to you for the hugs, Shug.

j's mommy~ Thanks for deleting the comment with Hubs's real name...he gets a little uptight that I'll somehow reveal too much on here. It's a security thang. Some would call him a little paranoid but after some of things he's seen....

Many thanks for your encouraging words, Cuz.

Anna K. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
imbeingheldhostage said...

Wow, I hear you (although I kind of like moving. not the packing and unpacking part-- just the new surroundings). Our latest news of deployment probably would've gone over better if I wasn't already feeling at the end of my rope. I guess we all just trudge through it though. Hang in there!!