Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Decisions, expectations and being a SAHM

I must be honest and admit that I did not spend my time as a little girl daydreaming about being a stay-at-home mom. I didn't wile away the hours picturing myself folding endless mounds of clothes...only to pick them up and re-fold them after little hands had been busy unfolding them. I never thought that I'd pour over recipes, desperate to find something that everyone in my family would like or that keeping a house maintained would be such a struggle for me.

Nope, I didn't think I'd be doing what I'm doing now. Much less have not one but two beautiful boys!

It took me quite a bit to become accustomed to my new role once I'd made the decision to take it on. I thoroughly enjoyed working with my students and found fulfillment in helping and watching them attain new heights though each of their successes and, alternately, learning from their mistakes. To go from that to being at home by myself with a new baby (while precious, they do NOT come with a manual!) where it felt like everything I did was a failure was a bit of a transition, to say the least. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to be with the Bubs and knew very well that not everyone was blessed with the oppurtunity to be a "professional mom", but I had such high expectations for myself that I made myself miserable. Of course, post-partum depression didn't help things either...but that's another story that I don't feel like going into detail about right now.

With this new precious one, I don't feel anything like I did then. It has been a while since we've had a baby around here, however, so the Hubs and I are both having flashbacks to when the Bubs was still a baby. I think there's less anxiety involved for both of us. We don't jump at every little noise he makes or freak out as much if he cries for a second or three. Well, I don't jump but the Hubby, bless his heart, still does and it's soo cute.

I'm finding out that the very advice I gave to my students, for them to be happy in every accomplishment no matter how small, I'm having to heed for myself. Instead of expecting to keep up a spotless house (total myth, by the way), I get excited over a completed load of laundry or dishes. I feel all Martha Stewart-esque if the floors get the once over with the vaccuum/broom and whatever Swiffer product I have on hand. I'm easily pleased, y'all! Lowering my expectations that I place on myself in less important areas like housework has allowed me to better focus on the important things in my home - my family.

1 comment:

Jonny's Mommy said...

Trying to decide what is right is hard to do, isn't it? I wish we could afford for me to be a SAHM. I would love to do it. If we have a second child I will. There will be no way we can afford two in childcare.

Hang in there and things will keep evening out!