The curious case of the changing due date~

Yeah, so I go to my OB specialist appointment today whereupon I was promptly informed that my April 1st due date was wrong. It is, instead, supposed to be April 11th...and where did I get the idea that it was the 1st?

I had gotten the idea from my regular doc who, I think, was having a ditzy day. I reapeatedly asked if she was sure about the date change at that stage in the pregnancy since ultrasound pics can be misleading (which was what she was going by). Oh, no! She assured me that she was right and, in a ditzily condescending way, let me know that I was mistaken. Yeah, okay lady!

Sooo...now I'm back to an April 11th due date. Even though it feels like things are further along than that. During the anatomy scan today - to check on the thickness of the placenta which was in normal range - the baby was relatively quiet in his breech position. He looked much more filled out than he did a month ago. He's a little over three pounds and I already wanna squeeze him and get all of his sugar!

Well, I'm off to change my baby ticker over there on the left sidebar...again.

I really don't wanna....but I might hafta

So there I was, sitting at my kitchen table taking a break from dishes and laundry to catch a few scenes of a movie I had going on my laptop when --BAM! The thing that I've been avoiding thinking about slaps me silly across the face. That thing is The Move.

Yep, for those of you who are just stoppin' by and the ones that have, understandably forgotten, there's a very real possibility that we may be getting orders to move across the country. The Hubs is excited about the job change and the chance he'll be getting to learn new skills and I can't blame him. He gives up so much to support our family that I can't begrudge him the joy of doing something different and, possibly, fun.

I seem to have hit a bit of a wall about the whole thing, though. When Hubs brings the subject up, I freeze and go straight into anxiety mode. When he brings home distressing news, I'm usually able to put on a brave front, act like it's all okay and get on with things. But this is almost too much for me to handle these days. Then the guilt comes crashing in 'cause Hubs feels like the move is his fault, personally and I'm making him feel that way with all my grief. Oy. I feel slightly like a whiney child that hasn't gotten it's way...."I don't wanna move! No, no, no! It's too far!"

Hubby did tell me at one point that we may be able to stay in this area for a while longer, but he'd have to deploy in the spring (completely missing the birth of our second child) which means he'd, once again, be in harm's way. It's a no win situation that we're both feeling the pressure to somehow make work. I've learned after almost ten years of being married to a marine that getting one's hopes up about anything that might be good news from the Corps is a waste of time and energy. I'll just keep trying to pray....and not just cry my way through. God is able to keep us in this area, but the hard thing to comprehend is that, just maybe, this is what we're supposed to do. A quandery, ain't it?

"Where joy and sorrow meet..."

Clothes washed and pressed, breakfast planned, bags packed......No, the Bubs and I are not going on a trip. Tomorrow is our first day of pre-school.

I've kept a positive, encouraging face on for most of the day. Bubs has no idea that as much as I'm excited for this new and, for us, ginormous step in his life my heart is feeling a little bruised.
I've put off blogging about this. I didn't want to face the fact that our precious Bubs is growing up. Yes, the signs have been there and I've known that big steps were in his future...I just didn't realize the future was today.

I've spent most of this evening keeping busy with preparations for tomorrow's big adventure, blatantly trying to keep my mixed emotions at bay. This worked just fine......right up until I went into our storage/laundry room to do yet another load of laundry. I was absent-mindedly carrying out my task when I happened to glance up at all of the baby equipment that we've yet to clear out. The tub that my Hubby gave the Bubs his first bath in, the mattress from his crib, the baby gate that he figured out how to get around in no time flat, and other baby toys....each and every item connected with an infinitely precious memory of the Bubs. Y'all, overwhelmed does not even come close to describing how I felt in that moment. Memory after memory rose to the forefront of my mind, each one sweeter than the one before. My heart pounded, my eyes became hot, my throat constricted and I couldn't seem to draw a proper breath. I stood there for the longest time, ensnared by baby-hood memories and thoughts that a chapter in my child's life was coming to an end. Without fully realizing it, tears had begun to stream down my face and I had begun whispering, "He'll only be there for half a day. It's only half a day."

To come to the realization that the Bubs needed something that I couldn't provide at home -socialization and classroom skills- after a little over 5 years was hard. To finally make the decision to pursue pre-school and physically fill out all the paperwork after taking the tour of the facility this afternoon was monumental. I'm quickly coming to realize that watching him walk away from me tomorrow morning and the drive home will be more difficult than I ever thought it would be.

Having said all that, I know that on the other side of sorrow, there is joy. I know that the Bubs is very excited to learn new things and make new friends. He needs to know what it's like to be away from Mom and to be in a structured classroom, where he has to listen, follow directions and be mindful of other children around him. He starts kindergarten in the fall, so what kind of mom would I be if I didn't prepare him for what's to come? It's a wonderful thing to watch a child grow up and discover new things. I'm looking forward to being there to celebrate each and every new accomplishment and discovery that the Bubs makes.