"Where joy and sorrow meet..."

Clothes washed and pressed, breakfast planned, bags packed......No, the Bubs and I are not going on a trip. Tomorrow is our first day of pre-school.

I've kept a positive, encouraging face on for most of the day. Bubs has no idea that as much as I'm excited for this new and, for us, ginormous step in his life my heart is feeling a little bruised.
I've put off blogging about this. I didn't want to face the fact that our precious Bubs is growing up. Yes, the signs have been there and I've known that big steps were in his future...I just didn't realize the future was today.

I've spent most of this evening keeping busy with preparations for tomorrow's big adventure, blatantly trying to keep my mixed emotions at bay. This worked just fine......right up until I went into our storage/laundry room to do yet another load of laundry. I was absent-mindedly carrying out my task when I happened to glance up at all of the baby equipment that we've yet to clear out. The tub that my Hubby gave the Bubs his first bath in, the mattress from his crib, the baby gate that he figured out how to get around in no time flat, and other baby toys....each and every item connected with an infinitely precious memory of the Bubs. Y'all, overwhelmed does not even come close to describing how I felt in that moment. Memory after memory rose to the forefront of my mind, each one sweeter than the one before. My heart pounded, my eyes became hot, my throat constricted and I couldn't seem to draw a proper breath. I stood there for the longest time, ensnared by baby-hood memories and thoughts that a chapter in my child's life was coming to an end. Without fully realizing it, tears had begun to stream down my face and I had begun whispering, "He'll only be there for half a day. It's only half a day."

To come to the realization that the Bubs needed something that I couldn't provide at home -socialization and classroom skills- after a little over 5 years was hard. To finally make the decision to pursue pre-school and physically fill out all the paperwork after taking the tour of the facility this afternoon was monumental. I'm quickly coming to realize that watching him walk away from me tomorrow morning and the drive home will be more difficult than I ever thought it would be.

Having said all that, I know that on the other side of sorrow, there is joy. I know that the Bubs is very excited to learn new things and make new friends. He needs to know what it's like to be away from Mom and to be in a structured classroom, where he has to listen, follow directions and be mindful of other children around him. He starts kindergarten in the fall, so what kind of mom would I be if I didn't prepare him for what's to come? It's a wonderful thing to watch a child grow up and discover new things. I'm looking forward to being there to celebrate each and every new accomplishment and discovery that the Bubs makes.